In my post on August 2nd I shared the quote about the feeling of being paralyzed “The very information that should move us is so overwhelming that is actually paralyzes us. It is like a big meal that’s suppose to provide fuel for our body but actually makes us feel like lying down and taking a nap. Instead of energizing us for action, the overwhelming injustice of the world actually makes us feel numb. We sense of hearts melting and our feet sinking into concrete.” I forgot what that feeling was like until today. I listened to a sermon by Francis Chan called “Lukewarm and Loving it” (if you want to be challenge your faith watch his sermon on youtube) and after processing it for like an hour I just feel numb and overwhelmed. From the sermon I started to think about how and if I am living my life for God. Am I surrendering my self fully for His glory? Or am I trying to hold onto things the world finds as important while justifying it in my mind. I had to go for a run to keep my mind from spinning and as I was running God was making so many things clear to me. He was saying to deny myself and focus on him and him alone in my decisions, he was saying to be ready to live in conditions where I wont always be happy or comfortable, he said to trust him to get me where I feel called, he said to be ready to leave people I love and a life I may find desirable to follow Him…after thinking through this I thought, how? How can I serve the poor? How can I be a voice for those who have no voice? How can I help people to see the light of God and the hope he has for them?...and that when I begin to feel powerless,and sad, and overwhelmed…the devil starts to work his magic by making me feel like I can’t do it.
So what do I do? I seek God where I am now and I learn how to trust Him and follow him when he calls me. I grow in him and slowly drown the devil out. Most importantly I remember “Despair is a greater sin then any of the sins the provoke it.”
